Sexiness

All my life I’ve had difficulty with accepting my body as it is and understanding that anybody would ever want me. In my teens, boys shied away from me. In my twenties, I do okay with guys, so long as they aren’t terribly shy themselves. I am, by nature, a very sexual woman who knows how to use her body and charms for pleasure, so why don’t I usually feels sexy?

The short answer; I base my sexiness on my relationship to the person looking at me. With my ex (to whom I was engaged), there was nothing that made me feel sexy. Nothing. Now that I’m single and involved in a more casual relationship, with a man who seems to genuinely enjoy me in all possible meanings of the word, I am free to feel sexy.

The other night, while sleeping over at his house (we both have colds, so we deemed it safe to be together) I asked if I could borrow his bathrobe.  Now, bear in mind that he’s 6’ 4’’ or so, and I’m 5’ 2’’ (I like tall men). He fished his robe out of the closet for me and wrapped me up in its flannelly goodness. After pulling the sash up to where my natural waistline is, I wrapped my arms around him and told him that for some reason I felt sexy as hell wearing his robe. He sort of chuckled and I went to sit down for a moment to enjoy it.

Wearing such an over-sized robe, that I could wrap to fit my curves, felt like wearing a tremendously lavish cocktail dress. One of the leggy, split skirt ones you see in movies. It was loose around my shoulders, so it would part just a little to expose my cleavage, and the lower portion showed off just the right amount of leg. Overall, I think he agreed that I looked sexy as he pulled me close for some very deep kisses while I was wearing it.

Overall, I share a quite intimate friendship with him, and in knowing that he isn’t judging my appearance at any time I feel sexy. In terms of my relationship with myself… I find my shoes sexy.

I know, it’s weird on a strange level. And one of these days I’m going to do a post about my favorite shoes and why they’re so important to me. Not one of these pairs of shoes looks nice anymore, because being my favorite means being worn every day until they’ve torn or start making strange noises (seriously, my flats squeak when I walk).

Either way, it’s good to know and remember that there are times when I feel sexy and beautiful. And it’s amazing to have someone who brings that out in me, and lets me feel so free to be myself.